My Visit to 826 N. Rampart — The Home of Addie Hall and Zack Bowen
The following content was what I wrote in my journal when I was visiting the museum that now occupies the apartment of Addie Hall and Zack Bowen. All of this is purely my thoughts and feelings.
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I am writing this as I sit in the kitchen of Addie Hall and Zack Bowen and my whole body is shaking. To my left is the fridge where her torso was and my right foot is resting a foot away from the stove where her head and other parts were found. Through the wall in front of me is the bathtub where she was dismembered. My head is light and my heart is heavy and I know that they are both here. I cannot see them but these appliances, floors, walls, and the stagnant air hold them and their suffering close.
People leave offerings on the stove and in the fridge and there is a lot of alcohol. They both struggled with addiction and it follows them in death. I left all my pocket change on the stove. I realize that some walls have fresh paint while others do not and I can only wish it was in a fixer-upper renovation sense instead of the truth. I cannot explain why I feel the need to stay here. I know how alone and hopeless Addie and Zack felt and it hurts my spirit to see this space frozen in time as the world around it carries on.
I wonder if they know that this is a museum and a place for curious people to look for ghosts or a good scare. Everyone who is attached to this building is not trying to be scary but rather reaching for life and all the connections they never got to make. There is a pile of blue sleeping bags about six feet from the bathtub. To me those bags feel more uneasy than the energy of this apartment. I feel glued to the chair I am in and I feel hazy too. I cannot cry but my voice breaks when I try to talk to Addie and Zack. This apartment has a stagnant aura of suffering to it that I would not wish upon anyone.
I believe they both deserved a better ending and that Zack does not deserve to be villainized the way that he has been in death. I have walked where they’ve walked and felt their energy surround me.
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My time in 826 N. Rampart was brief but I have never felt that much sorrow occupy me at all before or since. I have been deeply emotionally invested in this case for quite a while now due to the absolute misfortune dealt upon two young souls who deserved so much better. In all my research about this case, I have seen a portrait of two people who meant no harm but their lives were overwhelmed by despair that there was no bright end in sight.
If you or anyone you love struggles with mental illness or addiction, it is never too late to seek help. The world needs you regardless if you think that you are invisible.
For mental health help, call NAMI at. 1–866–966–4258 or text NAMI to 741741.
For the suicide prevention lifeline, call 1–800–273–8255.
If you believe that someone else is in danger of suicide, call your local law enforcement for immediate help.
For help with mental and/or substance abuse disorders, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1–800–662–4357.
For the National Domestic Violence Hotline, call 1–800–799–7233.
